Making A Difference?
by PoeticallyIncorrect1
Summary: Set pre series. Prior to joining the Marshal Service, Marshall questions his own abilities after a trauamtizing day.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N I'm posting this in 2 parts. Takes place prior to Marshall joining the Marshal Service, when he's still is gaining law enforcement experience._

_**Making A Difference?**_

Being very quiet as not to disturb his neighbors due to the late hour, Marshall Mann wearily climbed the steps to his second floor apartment and let himself in. The day had been one that no one ever wants to go through and left him questioning his own abilities to help people. Feeling completely physically and emotionally drained, he switched on the light.

Perched on the back of his welcoming recliner was a burnt orange fur ball preparing to launch herself at him. Holding out his hands Marshall deftly caught the kitten and cuddled her murmuring, "Hello, Tribble.," and smiled as he listened to he rumbling purring while she washed his cheek with her rough tongue.

After a moment he reluctantly put her down and she scampered over to her food dish in the kitchen where she looked up at him meowing plaintively.

"Okay, okay. You can quit with the starving kitten act. I know better," he said pouring a small amount of kitten kibble in her dish.

Tribble rubbed herself against his ankles purring and then dug into her food.

The young man slowly made his way to the bathroom where he stripped off his uniform and the rest of his clothes before stepping into the shower. Letting the hot water flow over his body he placed his hands on the wall and leaned his forehead on them finally giving into the frustration and helplessness he'd experienced. It was only when the hot water gave way to cold that he pulled himself together enough to finish showering and go get dressed.

Tribble had moved from the kitchen floor to the table by the time Marshall emerged from his bedroom dressed in his race car pajama pants and a comfortable long sleeved t-shirt.. Scooping up the kitten de deposited her on the floor saying, "Go play with your toys while I get _my_ supper." She rolled over onto her back playfully waving her paws and he couldn't resist tickling her fat tummy until she sunk tiny needle sharp claws into his finger.

"Ow!" Marshall exclaimed extricating his wounded digit from her grasp He looked at the blood drops. "That's enough of that." Getting to his feet a he grabbed a frozen dinner at random and stuck it I the microwave. When the small appliance beeped, he took it out and carried it over to the table to eat. But after a few bites he pushed it away as it was making him start to feel nauseous despite the fact the last thing he'd managed to eat was breakfast. After throwing it in the trash he sank down in the recliner and turned on the TV not watching it but letting Tribble distract him.

Watching the kitten furiously attacking a catnip mouse Marshall had to admit he was glad he'd let all common sense fly out the window when he'd found her abandoned and starving during on of his patrols. He could tell that wasn't a wild kitten, she'd started purring the minute he picked her up so he'd taken her home, cleaned her up and fed her. Once her tangled fur was all dry and combed out, she resembled a ball of fur and in a fit of whimsy he named her Tribble after the fur balls in one of the funnier _Star Trek _episodes.

Having slain her mouse Tribble picked it up and triumphantly carried it over to lay at Marshall's feet while waiting expectantly for praises and petting. "Good girl," he murmured picked her up to sit on his lap. As he absently stroked the kitten, his mind began replaying the events of the day that has so affected him.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N This is turning out to be slightly longer than the 2 parts originally planned. _

_**Making A Difference?**_

The day had started out pretty much the same as it had in the past two weeks for Marshall. He'd gotten ready for work, taken care of Tribble and had his own breakfast. Then he'd headed off on his daily patrol if the back roads in the rural Missouri county where he was the newest deputy to join the Sheriff's office. Most of his work involved taking reports on vandalism or something stolen and assisting the local police in the small towns that made up the county. It wasn't anything exciting but it was experience toward his ultimate goal of becoming a US Marshall like four generations before him.

Earlier that morning Marshall had taken a report on a stolen 4 wheeler. That had been quickly resolved when he followed the tracks of the stolen vehicle to find it stuck in the mud and the tracks of a couple of young people fleeing from it.. The juvenile joy riders were apprehended and taken into custody. Now he was on his way to Montrose. Although the town boasted less that 500 in population its _Short Street Tavern_ was well known for its steaks and a good selection of homemade pies. And it was one of hi s favorite places to stop for a pretty good lunch. After he'd decided to take the now familiar short cut through a cluster of pits and hills; the remains of a once thriving coal mining industry, he was carefully navigating the rough rocky roads when he came upon the obvious scene of an accident.

Marshall quickly pulled to a stop at the side of the road his eyes following the tire tracks of a vehicle as they sharply veered off the dirt road and down the embankment straight into the long abandoned coal pit; After calling in the accident scene, the young deputy got out and carefully treaded his way down the embankment to see if there was anything he could do to help.

The crumpled SUV's front half was mostly submerged in water and there was no way to tell how long it had been there as the air was eerily silent. Taking a deep breath Marshall stepped into the icy water, quickly getting soaked up to his knees. As he took a step forward, his foot slipped on some loose stones and he went under swallowing some of the foul tasting liquid. Hurriedly regaining his footing he bent over bracing himself while he gagged and spit out what he'd swallowed before moving to the front passenger side and peering in through the spider web cracks on the window.

Thee woman was slumped in the seat against the window the water having risen to above her head as the vehicle sunk deeper into the water. The driver was also in a similar state; both having either drowned or been killed instantly in the crash--that was for the coroner and medical experts to determine. Marshall's only concern was finding anyone alive. Looking toward the backseat I saw that it was only partly submerged and on the top of the water was a child seat that had came loose in the accident. With a sudden burst of adrenaline he managed to jerk the door open and haul out the seat..

Moving as quickly as he dared carried the car seat onto a fairly level patch of ground and checked the girl for any signs of life. Finding a faint pulse he hastily removed her from the seat and lay her on the ground to begin rescue breathing, Forcing his mind to calm he mentally reviewed the latest CPR techniques he'd learned. Trying not to shiver as a cold wind blew in he began his attempts to resuscitate the child.

By the time the fire department and EMT unit had arrived, Marshall w a kneeling on the ground shivering partly from cold as he attempted to perform CPR on the lifeless body of the girl. It took two of the firefighters to move him a short distance away so the EMTs could take over working on the child. Taking in the young deputy's soaking wet shaking form and dazed expression, one of the firefighters quickly retrieved a spare blanket from the ambulance and draped it over his shoulders. Kneeling beside Marshall the firefighter asked, "Are you all right?"

The young man's only response was to suddenly lean forward and vomit. Leaving him alone the firefighter stood off and walked over to the where the EMTs were still working on the girl having managed to get a pulse and pump air into her lungs. "Could you make room up front for him?" the firefighter asked, indicating Marshall. "I think he's in shock."

"Can you help get him in the passenger seat while we get the girl loaded in?" the driver asked. " The hospital already knows we're coming."

Returning to the deputy the firefighter placed a hand on his shoulders and helped him to his feet saying, "Come on. We're gonna send you to the ER to get checked out." Keeping his arm around the young man's shoulders he helped him over to the ambulance and up into it. Once he was strapped in place, Marshall just closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the seat.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Making A Difference?**_

By the time the ambulance had arrived at the hospital the EMTs had lost the girl's pulse again and everybody knew that more than likely the doctor on call would probably declare her DOA. As soon as she was rushed into the ER, someone came out with a wheelchair for the deputy and he was helped into it. to be taken inside and into an empty room. Taking a seat on the table he let a nurse help him out of his shirt and undershirt., putting a gown on him. Then while she went to retrieve a couple of warm blankets and a towel he removed the rest of his clothes and waited

The nurse was back within a few minutes and wrapped the blankets around the young man and then began checking his vitals, making notations on a chart. "The doctor will be with you soon. Are you feeling nauseous?" she asked using the towel to dry off his wet hair.

"A little," Marshall admitted, letting the warmth of the blankets ease the chill in his body. "The girl…how is she?"

"I'll see what I can find out," the nurse answered reaching for a basin and setting it beside him. After raising the head of the table slightly she helped him lie down still wrapped into the blankets. "I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes."

"Could you please get me some water?" Marshall asked.

"Certainly," the nurse said and returned a moment later with a cup and straw. "Take small sips."

"Thanks," the young man replied, taking a drink of the cool water in an attempt to rid himself of the bad taste in his mouth.

It was a close to half an hour later by the time the door opened to admit the nurse and a middle aged red haired woman in a lab coat. Setting the chart on the counter she moved over to Marshall saying, "Mr. Mann, I'm Dr. Benita Lloyd. According to what the ambulance attendants reported you were brought in suffering from mild shock and possible hypothermia. Are you starting to feel warmer now?"

"Some," he replied sitting up on the side of the exam table.

"I'm going to have Aimee take your vitals again and then I want to check you out," the doctor instructed stepping aside to let the nurse have access to the patient..

Aimee efficiently checked Marshall's pulse, temperature and BP showing the readings to Dr. Lloyd. She then unwrapped the blanket from around his shoulders so the physician could check out his lungs.

"Take a deep breath and hold it," The older woman instructed as she slipped the stethoscope inside the front of his gown. "Now exhale."

Marshall did as instructed as the stethoscope was moved to the other side of his chest and then his back.

"Your lungs sound clear. When you went underwater, did you swallow any of it?" she asked.

"A little," the young man answered.

"I can't tell yet if you aspirated any although it probably wouldn't show up in a chest x-ray just yet.. So for now I'm going to have you stay here so I can monitor your condition and decide if I want to admit you," Dr. Lloyd said.

"All right," the deputy said resignedly.

"I'll have Aimee check on you in half an hour and get you whatever you need," the physician replied. "Meanwhile I want you to just rest.."

"Been doing that since I got here," Marshall told her. Watching them leave the room he resumed laying on the table.

Sometime later the nurse returned to recheck his vitals and ask, "Can I get you anything, Mr. Mann?'

"Some juice would be could if you don't mind," Marshall replied.

"I'll see what I can do," Aimee promised. As soon as she finished checking over her patient she went to get what he'd requested.

"Thanks," the young man said, cautiously taking a couple of sips. When it appeared to stay where it belonged, he took a bigger drink. That proved to be a mistake because his stomach suddenly rejected it and he was left frantically trying to control the nausea before he vomited on himself.

The nurse was quick to note his distress and held the basin for him as he was miserably sick. Giving him a sip of water to rinse, his mouth out, she set aside the basin and helped him to lie back saying, "I'll get this cleaned out and have Dr. Lloyd order you something for the nausea. Think you can hang on until I get back?"

"I think I can," Marshall answered..

The Sheriff showed up a couple of hours later with a paper bag in hand and set t it in the chair saying, "I brought you your change of clothes to put on. Talked to Dr. Lloyd and she said she'll probably let you go home tonight."

"Thanks," Marshall replied. He looked up at his boss. "How's the girl?"

"She didn't make it. I'm sorry to let you know, Mann," the older law enforcement officer replied. Looking at his deputy's expression, he asked quietly, "Is it your first time dealing with something like this?."

Marshall slowly nodded. "I tried to help…but I-I failed," he said softly.

"It can be Hell at times being the first on scene at something like this. You make the call and don't know whether to wait for more experienced help to arrive to go see what you can do. Trust me we've all had to do that. And when its gets bad like this one I've seen people even with years of experience react just the way you are, When young kids is involved it always seems so much more tragic."

"Doesn't help…knowing this," came the reply.'

"That accident hasn't been the first one in those pits and it won't be the last. Been hauling vehicles out of there ever since the mining closed down and they filled up with water. Mostly its joyriding kids or someone trying to take a short cut. home at night at night.," the sheriff continued. He reached into a shirt pocket and drew out a small card with a name and number on it, handing it to Marshall. "Tomorrow I want you I want you to call and make an appointment to see her. It's not mandatory to you returning to work but you'll find out that she can help you come to terms with all this."

"I'll think about it," the young man said setting the card on the table beside him.

"When you're ready to go home just call the office and I'll send someone to pick you up. Don't worry about your patrol car, I had Clint Foster drive it back to the garage," the sheriff said. Giving the deputy an encouraging pat on the arm he turned to leave.

Fighting back the tears that were threatening to start, Marshall turned over onto his side, the words _I failed _running through his mind.

It was well into the evening when Dr. Lloyd finally decided to release Marshall to go home. "I'm going to advise that you take the next couple of days off to completely recover. If you start feeling bad make an appointment with you regular physician if you have one or come on back here.," she said handing him a couple of prescription slips.

"What are these for?" he asked.

"One is a broad spectrum antibiotic just in case there was something nasty in the water you were in and the other is a mild sedative to take if you have trouble sleeping. You can get them filled at the pharmacy off the ER," Dr. Lloyd explained.

"All right," he answered tiredly.

"I just need to sign off on your release papers and you're out of here," the doctor said. "Meanwhile you can go on and get dressed."

Once he was alone Marshall slid off the table and pulled out his spare uniform and other clothing he'd had stored in his locker. Quickly putting on the dry clothing he slipped his feet into his still damp shoes and pinned on his badge. Sticking the card that the sheriff had left in his shirt pocket, he picked up the prescription slips and the bag with his soaked clothes before stepping out in the hall.

The signs above the hallway pointed the way to the various destinations on the floor and he took the one that led to the pharmacy. Taking the prescription slips the pharmacist said, "I'll have these filled in a couple of minutes. Meanwhile you can wait right here."

"Need to make a phone call first," Marshall said going over to the desk to use the phone since he had no change for the payphone.

"Hey, Mann, you ready to get out of here?' Clint Foster asked when he arrived at the ER to see the younger deputy sitting in one of the chairs.

"Yeah. I just want to go home. Thanks fro coming to get me." Marshall said picking up the pharmacy bag and the one with his clothes. Wearily he followed Clint out to the silver grey pickup truck and climbed in. It didn't take long to get to his apartment and he climbed out pausing to watch the truck pull away from the parking lot before heading for the illuminated stairway.

.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Making A Difference?**_

The TV programming had changed to one of the late night talk shows by the time Marshall finally reached for the remote to switch it off. He then wearily get to his feet with Tribble in one hand and made his way to the bedroom. "Time for sleep not to play," he said placing her on the bed.

She gave a gentle meep and curled up on the bed by his pillow yawning widely.

Despite having the heat on in his apartment the young man still felt chilled so he went to retrieve a couple of extra blankets from the linen closet. Once he was settled in bed, he said "Goodnight," to the kitten giving her a gentle pet and reached to switch off the lamp.

_He was in the water trying to get to the front of the SUV when he felt himself go under and struggled to get his footing coughing and choking on the foul tasting water…_

Suddenly Marshall found himself sitting up in the bed his body drench din sweat, his breathing ragged. Feeling the bile rising in his throat, he stumbled from the bed and toward the bathroom making it just in time before he was miserably sick as he knelt in front of the toilet. The painful spasms seemed to go on forever although all he was able to bring up was a little bile and the few bites of food he'd had for supper.

Once it appeared that the dry heaves were finally over, the young man slumped against the bathtub and rested his head on his knees, his body shaking with chills feeling too weak to even stand up.

Tribble had been soundly asleep but when she'd heard and felt Marshall's hasty exit from the bed she got up and padded into the bathroom. When she saw him lean back against the tub, she walked over to climb up his legs to reach and pat at his face. "Meep?"

"I'm okay, Tribble," he said softly and held her close letting sudden tears dampen her fur. "Let's get back to bed." After a few minutes he set the kitten on the edge of the tub and used it to pull himself to his feet.

She meowed softly in agreement and he was back in bed covered by the blankets, she snuggled up close to him, purring contentedly as she lulled them both to sleep.

All though Marshall's sleep had been restless he'd not been woken up by any more dreams. He still felt exhausted when he finally climbed out of bed and headed for the kitchen to take care of Tribble.

The kitten scampered over to her dishes and stood meowing plaintively an imploring expression in her big eyes.

"Okay, Okay," Marshall said giving her the kitten kibble and a small saucer of milk. "Happy now?" Leaving her alone he went to get ready and pull himself together enough to face the day. Dressed in warm sweat pants and shirt, he returned to the living room to find his answering machine blinking with one message and he hit the play button.

It was from the sheriff who said, "I just called to see how you're doing. Let me know when you're ready to return to work. And don't forget to call that number I gave you. Take care of yourself, Mann."

After deleting the message the young man went to get himself some cereal and milk but after taking a couple of bites he gave up and threw the t meal in the trash and went to see if he had any ginger ale left in his fridge. Sitting down a t the table with the unopened can Marshall rested his head in his hand and stared at the tabletop. He'd read enough to know that he apparently hadn't recovered completely from the shock of the previous day. And that made him just a little concerned.

Having finished her meal Tribble climbed up on the table and over to Marshall purring as she tried to wriggle under the hand he had lying on the table. Lifting his hand slightly he absently petted her.

Because he didn't have anything to do and the apartment was feeling too confining the young man decided that maybe going for a run might help to clear his head. Grabbing his keys and wallet he slipped them into a pocket of his sweatpants and went to put on his running shoes. "Be back later," he told the kitten as he headed out the door.

She gazed at him meowing as if to say _I want you to stay and play with me._

It had been several weeks since Marshall had really had a chance to go and workout and idly he wondered if he was letting himself get out of shape. Parking his truck near an intersection of several old two lane roads, he got out and clipped the portable CD player to his belt, slipping in a favorite CD and his water bottle canteen on his shoulder. Making sure to pace himself, he headed along the side of the road constantly on the alert for the rare vehicle.

He was beginning to be breathing rather heavily by the time he reached one of his favorite stopping points; an old boarded up building that was all that remained of a gas station from the time when the road was more heavily traveled thoroughfare in the county. Taking a seat on the rough wooden steps the young man took long drink from his water bottle and decided to rest for a few minutes before making his way back to his vehicle at a somewhat slower pace this time.

The run had done nothing to banish the events of the previous day from his mind and Marshall was beginning to feel slightly dizzy as well as out of breath by the time he returned to the truck. Taking a drink of water he retrieved an old clean rag from his toolbox and used it to mop off his face while he waited for the dizzy feeling to pass before trying to drive home.

Tribble had been sitting in the window when she heard the sound of keys rattling in the door and she immediately scramble d for her place on the back of the recliner.

"Hey," he said reaching out to stop the furry missile aimed straight at him. "I'm too tired to play." Still he let her give him a quick lick laughing as she made a face at how his sweaty face tasted. Replacing her on the back of the chair he went to his uniform shirt and pulled out the card looking at the name written on it—_Dr. Hope Liang_—and a local number. After a few moments he reached for his phone to dial it.


End file.
